Time Began On Opening Day – Last Week

I’m sure I’m late on this but am I the only one that didn’t realize that with Opening Day just 24 hours away (not that hyped up bullshit on ESPN), the true Opening Day has already come and gone?

Last Tuesday, I caught all of the news about the Red Sox trip to Japan to take on the A’s and what a magical event it was. Hell, I even caught a small portion of the game before flipping on MTV to watch that horrific yet oddly captivating America’s Best Dance Crew (Go Kaba Modern!!).

As it turns out, the entire country of Japan showed up for this spring training nonsense. Highlights included Daisuke Matsuzaka being treated like the Second Coming of Jesus and Manny Ramirez jacking a couple homers so monstrous another Godzilla was likely awakened in the Pacific. Now, I paid this news no mind because, like I said a moment ago, this was spring training nonsense.

But alas – this was actually Opening Day. The Opening Day. The only day of the spring so holy and glorious (and non-denominational even) that it deserves to be revered and celebrated at least on the same level as Thanksgiving. This a day that brought us Hank Aaron’s 714th and Bob Feller’s no-hitter. It’s a day so woven into the fabric of the national consciousness that it has become the only true symbol of rebirth – not just a sign that the despair of winter is long gone but of your team’s hopes and your ability to bump gums all year about your chances. Not only that, it brings millions together – all playing hooky from their respective life situations – in the joy and anxiety of knowing that if your team wins that day, you’re not gonna lose em all and maybe, just maybe that "next year" you’re always crowing about, has finally arrived.

But no. Leave it to the federal government to thumb its nose at a nation and celebrate President’s Day instead. Where does that get us? A day off to hit that big sale at Kohl’s and pick up a piece of cherry pie down at the senior center? Please. But leave it up to Bud Selig to take advantage and shit all over our special moment by shipping Opening Day off to Tokyo and then having the nerve to brag about it:

"Not only do you feel that you’re watching history in the making, but we’re doing what we really set out to do…. "The game has never been more popular than it is in the United States today. Our goal is to take that popularity and make it worldwide."

Hey dummy, here’s a tip – THE JAPANESE ALREADY LIKE BASEBALL! This is about like the English Premier League shipping its opener to Brazil to drum up international support and then sucking each other’s dicks over the success once a frenzied riot breaks out in the stands and the stadium catches fire.

Yet again, it’s time for someone to kick Bud Selig in the sodding face… GO YANKEES!