Taking Back An Ex-Boyfriend
So here’s the thing – since I didn’t post a reaction to England’s 3-0 victory over footballing juggernaut Estonia, I received a bunch of pictures of crows and other nonsensical messages insinuating that I was running away from "the Beckham issue." According to these poofs, I ought to admit defeat and face the reality that David Beckham is the mythical King Arthur resurrected to save the Britons from calamity.
It is abundantly clear to me that these jackasses still lack a grasp on the reasons why I don’t want the bloke around. Further, it is quite obvious that they didn’t actually see the game. And even though I’ve beaten this horse so dead that it’s turned into glue all on it’s own and sold itself to Elmer’s, we’re going to hash it out again. Additionally, since there are a lot of daft bastards out there, I may post this anytime Becks does anything of note for England from now on.
It’s only been three years since England were poised to become the kings of Europe and David Beckham blasted a penalty kick into the Portuguese sky. Since then, our decline has been so disgusting and pathetic that after beating a team that has not scored a single goal in Euro qualifying, the English press and clueless moops have gone completely bonkers, namely over one David Robert James Beckham… It was Estonia. Get a fucking grip.
"But Beckham accounted for three of the four goals recently and all of your goals in the World Cup! Don’t you see how important he is?"
Sure, I do. David Beckham is the best one-trick pony the world has ever seen but therein lies the problem. He trots around the fringe with ten-seconds of up close and personal time with the ball because the bloke marking him is debating if he should ask for an autograph. So when Becks swings that right peg from 40-yards out against Trinidad & Tobago, Ecuador and Estonia for a goal or an assist, the only thing that surprises me is that he can’t do it more often. But when we suit up against a real side that won’t give Becks any time or latitude, he starts pinging long balls into the defense or the stands and all is lost.
That has been our story for at least three years but now that we are nearing our darkest hour, David Beckham can suddenly save us from the same crap he couldn’t conquer when he was at the top of his game. So we’re trapped even deeper in the mire of one-dimensional bullshit, where every ball passes through Beckham and every free kick is a carbon copy of the last. There is no creativity, originality or strategy beyond hoping Peter Crouch can direct one of those high-flying freebies (that often soar into the 54th row) into the net. It’s classic Sven-ball, which, if you recall, was half the reason why we clamored for that rat-faced cunt to get fired. Sven-ball won’t hack it against Russia home and away, the Euro 2008 field or the 2010 knockout stage. When we face a real contender (in more than a friendly) and inevitably go down in flames, all of these twats that wank for Beckham will be rioting at the FA headquarters for allowing McClown’s last ditch effort to backfire and embarrass a nation. Can’t wait for that.
I’ll be honest, I wouldn’t mind Beckham on the squad as much if McClown knew what he was doing and we were a balanced team, like, I don’t know – the Galacticos. If England had pace, strong tactics and a left winger with speed that could pull the defense, Golden Balls’ right foot would be a hell of an asset. But we don’t. We have a sackless, tactical buffoon that voluntarily places an overrated bloater like Frank Lumpalard in the midfield as if it’s a stroke of genius.
In the face of this, David Beckham, through no fault of his own, is limiting the development of the Three Lions. McClown has turned him into the ex-boyfriend you take back because even though he can’t make you happy, he treats you better than everyone else. Sure, you left him because you were ready to grow, find yourself, and achieve more and you couldn’t do it with him in your life but singledom is a harsh mistress. You had some bad dates. You couldn’t spread your wings like you’d planned.
Then a few months later, you see him at the club… he still looks good. There’s a beautiful girl on his arm but he walks away from her to dance with you. And as those old feelings rush back, you ask yourself why you ever left. Finally, you swallow your pride and take him home. You justify that night and those that follow by reminding yourself that you’ve been through it all with him and he loves you unconditionally. It’s worth it. But as the weeks go by, you can see that nothing has changed. He’s the same guy he always was and you’ve regressed to that former co-dependent sap that has resigned herself to a present and future of sex on Tuesdays, the bar on Saturdays and inane conversations in between… This is your life and it’s ending one minute at a time.
In a dysfunctional nutshell, that is why Beckham has to go.
I want what is best for England and these days, he is not it. Beckham is a band-aid on a gaping, gangrenous wound that is standing in the way of progress and development. We can rely on that right foot for steady goal and chance production against the little fish in the international pond but if the Three Lions hope to advance beyond the quarter finals in the next 20 years, it’s time to send him to the rec league across the pond and give our young players a chance to develop and gain experience.
I know that life these days is all about the quick fix and the feeling good for now, but I’ll take short term pain for long term happiness. We’re not going to attain Euro glory next year. Christ, we’ll be lucky if we make the bloody tournament. But I’ll take that in exchange for a developed, potentially balanced team going into World Cup 2010. At least then we might stand a chance against teams that matter.
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I am a jaded, sarcastic girl prone to unreasonable fits of rage. This site is my outlet. I am not classy, nice, or fair. It's best you know that up front.
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Nice. I think that puts the issue to bed. If anybody else bothers you about it, their brains aren’t workin.
Lampard’s place on the team confuses me most of all. If he’s not playing with Maka, Essien and Drogba, he’s absolutely no use! I thought that by this point in time, McClaren would see that playing for one of the big 4 doesn’t mean you are automatically included. I’d think that the return of Hargreaves means he’s dropped altogether but that would make too much sense.
just like to say that i loved the boyfriend analogy. spot on mate.
Think you’ve under sold him a touch it’s been closer to five years than three ;¬)
Other than that spot on. It’s amazing how some people are blinded by a whole two crosses that managed to find their target.
Brilliant offering, Ms. Warner.
What bothers me most about this new Beckham mania is the use use of Real as proof that Beckham’s still got it. He’s always had that ONE THING. That has never been in doubt. But it’s easier to look like an immortal when surrounded by a cast of characters like Roberto Carlos, Robinho, Cannavaro, Diarra, Raul, and Ruud.
“and you’ve regressed to that former co-dependent sap that has resigned herself to a present and future of sex on Tuesdays, the bar on Saturdays and inane conversations in between…”
Amazing comparison but that read a little emotional! Did you suffer from a crazy relationship flashback while making your point? :=)
That nailed it, luv.
@Toxic, I’ll take her on the 3 years instead of 5 because for me, 2004 is when I lost all hope. I should have woken up in 2002 though!
The rec league stuff hurt but that was a great post. If the FA hadn’t screwed you on coaching, I’d bet any amount of money that none of this would’ve gone down. Beckham would have taken a smaller role. He knew it was time. You guys would probably be rolling or looking like a cohesive unit at the very least and Lampard would be watching from home.
Ok let’s start at the top:
England was NOT poised to become kings of Europe when Beckham blasted his PK into row z. Get a grip. When England’s best player in Rooney went out injured those dreams of Euro triumph took a significant blow. Rui Costa also missed a PK in the shootout which cancelled out Beckham’s miss so I wonder why was it that Beckham was crucified by the media instead of Darius Vassell or David James who was so clearly outclassed by Ricardo? And I also wonder why Ibrahimovic WASN’T crucified by his country for missing the only PK in the quarterfinal shootout loss to Holland (meaning his miss ACTUALLY cost his country a semi-final place)…moving on…
Becks is a not one of the best players in the world, he’s not even close and he never was, but for a one-trick pony that’s one helluva trick. It’s an especially useful trick when Joe Cole is uneffective with his outrageous “beachball” stepovers, Rooney is unavailable and Owen and Crouch clearly aren’t world class, Gerrard is limited in attack because he’s playing a holding role, and Lampard is more often than not off somewhere looking for Jaffa cakes. Contrary to popular belief, at least in the game in question vs Estonia, the whole of England attacks did not go through Beckham. Rather, the few effective and noteworthy England attacks came through Beckham which makes one think that all attacks went through his boot. So that addresses your assertion that all play goes through Beckham. In my humble opinion, it doesn’t.
Now as for the free kicks, would you rather go back to how it was when Beckham was out of the squad and Lampard/anyone else was taking them? Would you really?? I would love for you to argue that, at least in the area of free-kick, England are better off without Becks.
Now see here’s the thing, you say you wouldn’t mind Beckham if McClaren knew what he was doing. But he doesn’t know what he’s doing. And while he doesn’t know what he’s doing you need Beckham to get you by. I disagree that he’s limiting the development of England. It’s clear to see the team not only did not develop, but actually regressed without Beckham in the squad. Not saying that they would’ve developed if he had never been dropped, just saying they still didn’t develop without Beckham to hold the team back.
You say progress and development without Beckham, I say failing to qualify to for Euro 08′ (which would indeed be a disaster) and not much to show for it. I love this idea that people have that young players just magically develop into better and better players just by playing more. You can play Aaron Lennon all you want, but if he’s playing alongside a retarded Gerrard/Lampard partnership and a laughable Joe Cole (or even worse, Downing) he’s not going to “develop” into the dream English right winger any time soon. All this “balance” and “progress” you’re looking for isn’t going to happen as long as McClaren is around. So while McClaren is around be thankful you have Beckham to help your inept team win games. England are not world class, it’s a myth. 3 quarterfinal appearances is actually pretty good for the team you have. The only guys that are world class, apart from a solid back line when fit, are Gerrard and Rooney and maybe Hargreaves too.
To go back to your ex-boyfriend metaphor, you may have wanted to grow, find yourself, and achieve more without him but you’re just not at that point in your life. And you won’t be anytime soon. Those bad dates aren’t just bad luck, it’s because your ex-boyfriend is the best you can do right now and for the forseeable future (and you don’t have a very desirable left-side). And you know what? Maybe if you had changed a little while you were broken up (get a new coach ((Arsene Wenger, anyone?)), get new tactics, drop Lampard, drop Cole, drop Downing, call up Barry, drop Jenas, drop Dyer, call up Bentley, call up Milner, drop Brown, drop Johnson, call up Nugent, drop Rio, partner Woodgate or Lescott with Terry, maybe even give Walcott and Sturridge an shot, so on and so forth…) then the second time around with him could’ve been much improved from the first time around. Maybe it’s not him, it’s you.
So to sum up: Beckham being used as band-aid doesn’t mean he is a band-aid. It means in light of current circumstances with poor management and poor players/poor performances, England must rely on his right foot. They don’t run attacks through his right foot, they just dump it on his right foot when their other attacks fail to work. Beckham isn’t holding England back because England aren’t really ready to spring forth any time soon. That’s all.
Also I know that with you being a Gooner it is unlikely, but I hope we can still be blog-friends as I greatly respect your views, opinions, and general football knowledge.
” I would love for you to argue that, at least in the area of free-kick, England are better off without Becks.”
One in a hundred is effective versus none in a hundred it really makes no difference but certainly not worth having someone in the side for alone.
@Gavin – I kinda gave up after the Greece game that got us to ’02 all the bullshit about that one kick when every other one was utter shite and he ran round like a headless chicken for the other 90 odd minutes.
@V-Spot: I know you’re new to the comment section but it is pretty obvious that McClaren’s ouster is the first key to any type of improvement. That is a given with this post. Nothing is possible if he remains. But assuming that he is soon to be gone means England will be (hopefully) lead with some tactical and managerial skill. That will be the end to Lampard/Gerrard and the inability to form a decent attack that doesn’t go through Beckham. And since that is likely in the near future, when this team is out of contention for Euros (something they’ll never manage to advance in), play the young players. Give them a chance to even see the pitch. Playing for McClaren may not do them much good for developing but it’s a lot better than watching the games on tv or from the touchline. They need to be out there getting a feel for their team and the matches. No one expects magical development.
Toxic, I’m not sure where you’re getting this 1/100 vs 0/100, because he’s more effective than that im comparison to Lamps. It was a minor point I was making anyway, of course it is not reason enough for inclusion into the squad. As for the Greece game, Beckham has had A LOT of shitty games but that game was definitely not one of them. Headless chicken? I guess you would’ve wanted him to put in a more “understated” performance like Gerrard or Scholes?
Spanish: Ok let’s assume McClaren gets fired before Euro 08′ (unlikely if England qualify) or let’s say that England don’t qualify and McClaren gets fired. You’re plan to play the youngsters while McClaren is still around simply won’t work as McClaren is about results and nothing else. I’d really love to see Arsene Wenger, but if that’s not possible let’s assume it’s someone semi-competent with enough backbone to deal with prima donnas properly (dangerous assumption when dealing with the FA). Alright, so England goes into Euro 08′/WC 2010 qualifying with Hargreaves/Gerrard in the middle and hopefully someone like Ashley Young on the left (anyone but the grossly overrated duo of Downing and Cole) and Lennon/Milner/Bentley on the right. Up front is Rooney and..maybe an Ashton or Nugent? Ok moving on, what I’m arguing is that in the future when this happens I disagree that Beckham won’t be of any use to the squad and he will be holding back the development of the team. The guy is quality, not quality enough to start every time on the right or quality enough influence a game like the Greece one, but he’s quality enough to be in the squad and contribute to Euro 08′ and/or WC qualifying. In the same way Gary Neville is an example to young England defenders and David James is to young England GKs, Beckham can in fact positively influence the young crop of England midfielders with his professionalism, high work-rate, and excellent passing and dead-ball skills. Until that managerial change happens, England need to rely on Beckham some to qualify for Euro 08′. And no, giving up on qualification in anticipation of a bad tournament showing is not a viable or sensible plan. Beckham in his current capacity for England is not good for England, but if the rest of the team manage to get their *hit together and learn not to rely on him so much, Beckham can be good for England.I’m just saying, once you “break up” with this ex-boyfriend when a competent manager comes in, doesn’t mean you can’t still be friends.
@V-Spot – it seems like you’re goin out of your way to nitpick, man. I have been reading this site a long time and no one has ever debated the poor quality of the other England players, coaching staff or tactics. Those are all a given when you read the post.
But I think you have to admit that if you look at the big picture, Beckham’s inclusion isn’t going to help England. He’ll help stave off disaster (as she blatantly stated) but nothing more. And then what? After however many years of Erikssen and McClaren, the players don’t know how NOT to rely on Beckham. They’re not getting any instruction on how to do that because their manager doesn’t even know. The the only way they’re going to is if he’s either gone or isn’t starting.
I’ve had the benefit of training with people on that squad and trust me, when he’s on the pitch, he is the only recognized focal point. There’s no other formal strategy and that’s the point of what Flash is trying to say, in my opinion. It is obvious that England has to learn how to adjust but currently, they can’t because he’s their manager’s master plan. There are so many things wrong with England’s team but no one is even debating that. You’re preaching to the choir on about 98% of your 8 page argument.
Not making Euros is exactly the kick in the ass that those prima donnas on England need. Aside from Beckham and McClaren/Sven, the next time established players not named Gerrard, Rooney and Hargreaves start going at it with a little passion will be the first.
@ V-Spot:
To go back to your ex-boyfriend metaphor, you may have wanted to grow, find yourself, and achieve more without him but you’re just not at that point in your life. And you won’t be anytime soon. Those bad dates aren’t just bad luck, it’s because your ex-boyfriend is the best you can do right now and for the forseeable future…maybe it’s not him, it’s you.”
To beat this boyfriend metaphor into the ground, You sound like a co-dependant.
Thanks Coz for your sterling piece of input, you’re such a clever boy.
Stew, I hear that all the time that failing to qualify will give all the prima donnas the “kick up the ass they need” but I just don’t buy it. I said it before, I’ll say it again, and others have said it too: England as a whole really aren’t a great team. Cut the dead weight and bring in some youngsters with some intensity. If Greece can win it, England can too with a change in manager/tactics/players…beating a dead horse…there won’t be any silver lining in failing to qualify.
Boswell: While McClaren is in charge, England are just not going to get better, with or without Beckham. Period. So while McClaren is around you might as well have Beckham around too to help get results. Once the FA get their collective head out of their ass and appoint a competent manager, then you can drop Beckham and “progress”. What I’m saying is if Ferguson and Capello can win and play well with Beckham in the squad (but not the focus), then it really shouldn’t be hard to do something similar with England and..to use the word once again…progress.
Was going to argue the point then saw mention of Calamity James as a positive influence.
V-spot – I’ll be honest, I have no idea where to begin with the 12 pages of comments that you dropped and I don’t think I’d have the time to deal with it even if I did. So please forgive me if I don’t hit everything or cover every available argument –
There are a lot of things of which I’m abundantly aware: we are a HORRENDOUS tactical side, we are coached by a mental defective, we have nothing going for us BUT David Beckham and that aint much, we are in dire need of a roster overhaul, giving Aaron Lennon and other young lads more playing time won’t magically make them gods, not qualifying for Euro 08 would be a complete disaster and not likely a “fire starter” for our divas, etc etc etc. I know all of this. I’m not a moron and I’m not delusional.
There are a million things wrong with this team aside from David Beckham. Attacking him isn’t always fair and removing him doesn’t solve all of our problems. But, to me, he symbolizes (and is the key cog in) a brand of nauseating, pathetic football that England needs to leave behind. To do so, yes – we have to get rid of McClaren but we have to do a lot of things. Beckham’s presence is just one of the things that I believe needs to change if we are to have a snowball’s chance in hell of having any success in 2010 and beyond. That doesn’t mean I expect Aaron Lennon, David Bentley or any other young player to spontaneously morph into savior replacements. But we won’t know what they’ll be able to accomplish if they spend the next 3 years on the bench twiddling their thumbs. It’s time to give them a chance.
And yes, we’re horrible without Beckham but we’re just a step above horrible with him. That’s good enough for some people but not for me. Eeking our way into the knockout stages of tournaments is good enough for some people but, again, not for me. And while I’m sick of expecting passionless mediocrity, I am even more tired of being told that I have to accept it.
We are hovering above rock bottom and I believe that there is no better time to start taking risks than now. I’m ready to move on from David Beckham and the sooner we can do that (along with solve at least a few of these other ills), the better we’ll be in the long run.
If you don’t see that, I think we’ll have to respectfully agree to disagree.
I still think if you bring in a manager who can use him properly, Beckham is a valuable enough asset to have in the squad, that’s all. No, he shouldn’t be starting if and when they dig themselves out of the hole they are in. In any case a player in the twilight of their career should start to step aside for the next gen, same goes for Gary Neville and Micah Richards, too. Doesn’t matter if you can still do the job.
Anyway..to you, Beckham epitomizes the nauseating, pathetic football that England plays. To me, England just play nauseating, pathetic football with or without Beckham. Guess we’ll always disagree on that.
And I’m not meaning to paint a gloomy picture of the England squad either. You lot are so depressing, it’s just negative engery it’s not good. If you’ve been watching the U-21′s England have a bright future and I think they can become world beaters in 3 years, maybe even sooner, with the right managerial, tactical, and personnel changes.
Have you seen what Alexi Lalas said about the English league? I’m sure you’ll have lots to say when you do!
“The fact that a segment of the world worships an inferior product in the Premiership is their business,” Lalas said in an interview with The Guardian published Tuesday.
“In England, our league is considered second class, but I honestly believe if you took a helicopter and grabbed a bunch of MLS players and took them to the perceived best league in the world they wouldn’t miss a beat and the fans wouldn’t notice any drop in quality.”
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2007/soccer/06/19/bc.soc.galaxy.beckham.ap/index.html
meh. that’s worthy of an eye roll but not much more. the fact that he doesn’t realize that “In england…” should be substituted with “Anywhere on the goddamn planet” is more amusing than anything else.
“our league is considered second class”
He should be so lucky, unfortunately caught a bit of a game last night only thing worse than the stuff on the park was the crap from the retards at ESPN, reminded me why I couldn’t watch most of the ’94 WC.
Oh and Lalas is a ginga so that puts him on par with McClown.