MLB, New York Yankees
Apr 25, 2007
Flash
9 Comments

The Sky Is Falling In the Bronx

Chicken LittleAbandon ship! Fire Cashman! Fire Torre! Give Clemens $70 million! Trade A-Rod for young pitching! Red Sux in first with no sign that they’ll ever lose again! Abandon ship!

We’re 8-11, last in the AL East, got swept by the D-Rays, and if I closed my eyes, I’d swear that our bullpen was replaced with girls from my high school softball team. Maybe the Mets will take A-Rod for Endy Chavez and Aaron Heilman… that Chavez is a speedster and Heilman’s got moxie. Or wait, what about the entire Tigers rotation plus Joel Zumaya! Yeah, that’d be the trick! But are they too smart to let that pass? Damn. Just wait until A-Rod gets off this hot streak and the pitching STILL sucks. We’ll be in extra last! It’ll be curtains for the Yanks then. Looks like it’s time for me to cancel MLB TV and my XM subscription because at four games back in the fourth week of April, history tells me that it’s all a wash:

2000: 15-27 record in May and June, 3-15 record at the end of the season, David Cone started and went 4-14 with a 6.91 ERA, worst record of all teams in the playoffs. Outcome: World Series.

2004: 8-11 to begin the year, swept at home by Boston, worst starting pitching of any 100-win team in the history of the game. Outcome: Worst playoffs collapse in the history of sports.
 
2005: 11-19 to start the season, 3-9 midwest road trip in early June, splintered clubhouse, Gary Sheffield’s mustache, 54-28 record after the All-Star game with a 16-5 run to erase a four-game deficit at the close of September. Outcome: Nauseating playoffs display against the Angels.
Clearly, this is going to end in shame and heartache … Perhaps that was a little sarcasm-heavy. Please accept my sincere apologies.
 
While I’m insensed at the current state of NYY affairs and the circumstances that have created it, I’m not particularly concerned about our end of season prospects. Does that make sense? I hate to see my team lose be it in March, April, or October and since I’m a hot-tempered, spoiled brat, our losses usually result in my throwing random objects and pouting about the resulting mess. But being angry doesn’t mean that I’m in fear for our playoff hopes. Maybe I should be and I’m being foolish but if recent history has taught me anything, it is this:
  1. Boston and Baltimore get off to a torrid start, leaving New York, Toronto, and any other schmucky team in their wake. Fans squawk. Yankees finish April below .500.
  2. Tampa Bay bends us over and violates us. Blame A-Rod.
  3. Yankees pitching staff is patchworked with prospects, has-beens/never was/never will be’s, and oldsters that live on the DL. Losses pile up.
  4. ESPN douchepumps and opposing fans whisper that the wheels are finally falling off
  5. Yankees get hot (except when the D-Rays show); rest of AL East gets cold
  6. AL East Champion: New York Yankees
  7. Shameful playoff exit
I know a lot of that sounds arrogant but that’s how it’s been working out since the Diamondbacks handed us our asses in 2001. So while the bullpen keeps blowing up like AC Slater’s quiche, we aren’t plagued with the same concerns from previous seasons (poor hitting, horrendous fielding, Kevin Brown, Randy Johnson, and a destroyed clubhouse). Assuming our pitching can improve from blasphemous to mediocre and our hitting remains above par, I see no reason why we can’t reach the playoffs. Frankly, that’s when I’ll get nervous… that’s when I’ll go through the nail biting, hand wringing, bitching, and moaning because our aging Hessian soldiers are overrated and overpaid. But until then, I’m gonna stick to being pissed off yet oddly content in knowing that if the New York Yankees were above .500, it just wouldn’t feel like April.

9 Comments

  • Mick Winans 25/04/2007 at 16:59

    Basically sums it up. If we can get our starting pitching shored up (not counting Pavano, of course), we’re gonna be fine. It’s hard to win when we’re consistently giving up 8 runs/game

  • Jeff 25/04/2007 at 19:30

    Bullshit!! No way you aren’t scared. This time last year you were shakin and the same happened the year before and the year before that. Front if you want to but I know the truth! :)

  • Joey Baker 25/04/2007 at 21:22

    Lucky tonight’s game got postponed. Lose to Toronto tonight and it woulda been up to this hotshot prospect to stop the bleeding before the Sox came back in to knock you in the teeth.

  • Goldie 26/04/2007 at 08:44

    For the most part I agree with ya but you have to admit that this bullpen thing is pretty out of control. Rivera’s already filled up his blown save/blown game quota for the entire season.

  • Toxic 26/04/2007 at 09:30

    How’s the love affair with A-Rod going then Flash ;¬)

  • Alonso 26/04/2007 at 09:41

    I think she’ll hang in with A-Rod for the season but once it’s the post-season, if he so much as strikes out, she’ll completely lose her mind :)

  • Alonso 26/04/2007 at 09:43

    BTW your guys are all pussies. Nice rainout so Pettitte can face the Sox tomorrow instead of one of your many chumps.

  • Anderson 26/04/2007 at 22:50

    I think you’re right in that this whole April cellar stuff is par for the course. But the pitching is still scaring the shit out of me and we are sure to repeat recent history point #7 with this staff. We MUST pick up some bullpen help before the trade deadline. THere’s no option.

  • Mick Winans 27/04/2007 at 09:14

    right now i’m just hopin we can survive the weekend Anderson. was last night some brutal shit or what?

Disclaimer

I am a jaded, sarcastic girl prone to unreasonable fits of rage. This site is my outlet. I am not classy, nice, or fair. It's best you know that up front.

Subscribe

Enter your email address:

Recent Comments

Pit Stops

Categories

Archives

Extras

British Blogs

FlashWarner's Profile Page

Switch to our mobile site