Serena Williams Is Making a Mockery of Tennis
And I don’t mean that in a bad way. The hideous fashion choices and corny reality tv show notwithstanding, I love Serena Williams; she’s by far my favorite player on the tour – at least, when she’s actually on the tour and not off somewhere trying to be fabulous.
So why do I like her and not Sharapova or Henin-Hardenne or some rising star? It’s really pretty simple — Serena Williams doesn’t just try to beat you; she tries to beat the absolute mess out of you just to have the opportunity to scream and throw her fist at you in a way that makes you wonder if she’ll hop across the net, snatch your racquet from your limp fingers, and abuse you with it.
Now, you can say she’s just trying to encourage herself if ya want but the reality is that she’s all about smashing her dominance all in your face and throwing in a “C’MON!!!!!!!” just to let you know that you just got owned.
But to the topic at hand…
Serena Williams’ success at the Australian Open is either making a complete joke of women’s tennis or proving that if she’d train like her counterparts, she’d be the best player ever. It’s not enough that Williams continues to wear a dress match after match that makes her look like Cole Trickle’s Mello Yello car in Days of Thunder. That kinda of crazy attire is something we’ve come to expect. But the girl arrived in Melbourne looking like her strength and conditioning program centered around pounding double doubles in an In N’ Out parking lot.
While things are decent enough from the waist up (I’d take her 6 days a week and twice on Sunday in an arm wrestling competition with the tournament’s men), the astonishing enormity of her backside can’t be captured without a wide-angle lens. And yet, somehow, it doesn’t even matter! She just keeps beating people down with no retribution!
These women aren’t just some of the best in the world, they’re also completely absorbed by the game. They live and breathe it.. eating, training, practicing, and studying because their livelihoods depend on it… each week it’s another city, another country, another event.
These girls bust their asses day in and out because maybe one day they’ll win a slam or be ranked number one or simply win enough money to take care of their families for the rest of their lives. They’re doing all they can to rise above and here comes Serena with her no. 81 ranking and shelf booty covered up in a Sprite can dress and just starts handing out justice!
You would think that, at the very least, these girls could hang in until the third set and Williams would tire out but that method doesn’t even work. Sure, she gets into the occasional rally and her opponents force her to run sometimes but she’s still fast enough to cover most of the court. And when she’s too tired, she just smacks returns for winners and rails off an ace or two. It’s crazy! The only hope girls have really had is to take advantage of Serena’s mental vacations but, as the results show, she wakes up just in time to crush their silly dreams.
While the results at the Australian thus far say great things about Serena’s mental toughness and talent, they also speak to a suddenly sad state of affairs for the women’s game. Williams is overweight, injured, and not even playing all that well but all she really had to do was “get determined” and that was all she wrote. What’s even more bizarre is it won’t be remotely surprising if Williams beats Maria Shreikapova tomorrow night. But if that happens, she should just retire.
“Since I blew you all away on my Roscoe’s Chicken n’ Waffles diet, I think that’s a sign that I should call it a career and expand my acting career beyond that scene in Law and Order: SVU.. you know.. just so you no-talent chumps can have a chance, too.”
Serena over Shreikapova in 3 sets — 3-6, 7-5, 6-4 — while still wearing the Days of Thunder dress.
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I am a jaded, sarcastic girl prone to unreasonable fits of rage. This site is my outlet. I am not classy, nice, or fair. It's best you know that up front.
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The last creature with thighs that big to get major attention on ESPN was Barbaro.
“here comes Serena with her no. 81 ranking and shelf booty covered up in a Sprite can dress” just made my day. One of Serena’s thighs was about the same size as the girl she played last night.
Every time I see Serena Williams, my dick gets scared
Remarkably handsome woman, Serena. Everything a man could want. Muscles, hairy chest, 4-pound cock….
I just don’t get why women’s tennis can only have one hot chick at a time. like right now it’s Sharapova and everybody else either ugly or a fuckin dude.
Really? I thought the lady Sharapova just beat was pretty cute, and the same with the lady Williams just beat. Tennis is one of the hottest sports for women, maybe THE hottest (soccer is the main competition).
It always seems with women’s sports that the college chicks are always really really hot but the pros just dont have the numbers. Like with soccer, volleyball, tennis, you go to their games in college just to watch hot chicks go at it. But who is another hot soccer player on the national team than Heather Mitts? What about tennis (other than Sharapova)? What about volleyball? Theyve got that Lauren Toms chick and those 2 beach girls and then what? It’s like hundreds get cut down to 2 or 3.
i might watch this match tonight but i’ll be doing it on mute. aren’t there rules to shut up the grunting? it’s so excessive.
Can you imagine if Sharapova was coming up behind the Iron Curtain circa 1984? Christ almighty with all the ‘roids those broads were on she’d have genitalia that would rival Willem DeFoe.
Holy fuck! The Williams brother just beat the living fuck out of Sharapova. Tennis should officially just go away.
Depending on the day, Clijsters isn’t bad looking. Hantuchova is pretty damn hot also, and those were the two that I mentioned. Ivanovic is also pretty hot, but a little young I think (18?). That is not bad for a sport where most people can’t name 5 players.
Ive got a feeling you’re one of the few that can name 5 players, geiger
Venus Hingis Davenport (did all those 3 retire yet)… not many more, I’ve just been watching the australian open lately and like I said all those kids but Ivanovic made the quarters. There are probably more attractive ones, but I get the point you are making
Venus – dude
Hingis – okay
Davenport – fat and ugly
Mauresmo – dude
These chicks that you’re talkin about better become famous soon because the ones that everyone knows are barkin pretty loudly.
What happened to Seles? She was kinda hot.
I’m with ya Tree. Iron Curtain Sharapova would have to keep her match times under 90 minutes before the stubble started to show.
I wrote a longer comment to you, Brendan, but then said fuck it and will summarize with yes, they will be famous to you soon
I got your back Geiger. Yall act like there’s 10,000 girls on the WTA and they should have 5,000 fine ones. They got like 64 ladies in the grand slams so if 5-10 of them are lookin pretty good each time out, then Im thinkin that’s a win for hotness in tennis.
Tennis has got some hits and misses (the biggest misses being the williams brothers) but Nicole Vaidisova is definitely hot. i think this snake agrees with me: http://adeptos.no.sapo.pt/2006/1Janeiro/TenisAustraliaNicole%20Vaidisova.jpg