Journey to Shite Hart Lane

When I started this post, this was my outlook:

Who’s that team they call the Arsenal?
Who’s that team we all adore?
We’re the boys in red & white
and we’re fucking dynamite
and Martin Jol’s mother is a whore.

UP THE ARSENAL!!!!! 

As I type, the Mighty Arsenal are preparing to break the will of Tottenscum at Shite Hart Lane in the first leg of the Carling Cup semi-final. Following the x-rated dismantling of the scousers at Anfield last week, Arsène is rewarding the youngins with another chance to thump a first team.

But I type too slowly and now we’re down 2-0. Fuck. Anyway, read on.

So Kolo Toure will function as the captain and elder statesman of a 16-man squad that features Cesc, Philippe Senderos, Alexander Hleb, Mathieu Flamini, and Emmanuel Eboue.Also returning is Abou Diaby, who is starting in the red and white for the first time since an obscene tackle shattered his ankle 9 months ago. But Arsène feels pretty good about his prospects:

“I had a big doubt in my mind that Diaby would ever come back from that injury. I thought it might end his career. We’ve missed Diaby because he gives us something the other players don’t have. He can give us that kind of Patrick Vieira presence in the physical challenges. He reminds me of Patrick in his running style, behaviour and the strength of his tackles.”

Going from a potential career ending injury to Paddy V over the course of a year… no pressure at all, that.

In other news.. you know how there’s the rule that you don’t wish injury upon anyone? No matter how dispicable a person might be, hoping that they get mangled crosses the line of what sports is all about, yah? Well since that’s settled, let’s proceed.

In a 2-1 loss to Watford yesterday, Blackburn Rover Robbie Savage broke his leg in a challenge with Al Bangura… whether they got tangled or if Bangura did something untoward is not known but the best I can surmise is that all Savage’s cuntiness finally resulted in a negative physical occurrence. I can’t deny that I cracked a wry grin when reading the news over at Toxic’s spot but I don’t think that breaks the above-mentioned rules of sport. I admit to feeling a certain satisfaction but I certainly never wished a broken leg upon him. That’s the worst of the worst for a footie player.. but since it’s already happened and all… and since he’s a complete twat and all… I can’t really be blamed for my feelings. Yah? I mean, the Welshman has proven himself to be one of the most odious, obnoxious, repugnant, intolerable, loathsomes cunt in the EPL. And since the rest of the footballing world decided to kick back with a Coke and a smile upon hearing the news, I shall as well.

I know a lot of you don’t know who Savage is but take my word for it. If you were walking down the street and Dennis Hopper popped out of a bush and told said, "Pop quiz, Hot Shot! The two buses on the corner are wired with heavy explosives. One contains an army of plague-carrying, girlfriend/wife-violating robots that will smear poo all over your freshly-painted house and the other contains Robbie Savage. You can only save one." I can assure you, the next day, we’d be dying from the black death while noxious poo fumes wafted around the globe.

Don’t get well soon, Robbie. You sodding git.

**Hattip: Arseblogger for amazing Savage material/Speed scenario. It was fuckin’ excellent.