Curt Schilling Finishes Last on Celebrity Jeopardy
Check out today’s musings on SportsbyBrooks where I make sniping comments on the following nuggets:
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I’m an avid Jeopardy watcher, so I was pretty excited to see Curt Schilling on “Celebrity Jeopardy” last night. It’s not often that I can actively root for someone to lose before they irritate me during the lame personal information segment, so I was feeling pretty lucky.
I have no problem with Curt Schilling, the pitcher. He’s an amazing competitor and one of the most dominating pitchers of this era. Curt Schilling, the pitcher, commands respect. But off-the-field Schilling, the egomaniacal windbag? That guy chaps my arse.
Off-the-field Schilling doesn’t just think he’s omniscient, he also believes that the public is clamoring for his opinions, be they on social issues, political issues, or, well, any issue at all.
I’m in full support of people shouting their opinions from the rooftops but I take issue when an individual fancies him or herself an unquestioned authority by simple virtue of being a public figure.
Schilling is a serious offender in this regard. His ability to throw 95 mph fastballs and play through the pain shouldn’t grant him expert status on geopolitical crises anymore than working on Syriana and The Thin Red Line should for George Clooney and Sean Penn.
But somehow, those are all the qualifications they need.
Tom Cruise got to watch Kurt Russell play a psychiatrist in Vanilla Sky, is well-versed in Scientology literature, and has a million-watt smile. Now he’s ready to slang some knowledge about non-existence of clinical imbalances and yoga and a bottle of Centrum as the cure for depression.
Makes perfect sense.
You know what I’d like to do? Dump Schilling, Clooney, Penn, Cruise, and the rest of those self-important sacks on a Lost-ish island and let them duke it out. Schilling would likely emerge victorious, having beaten Sean Penn to death with a coconut but I digress… I don’t even know where I’m going with this.
<– Back to Jeopardy –>
Schilling’s first problem was rocking a heavily-moussed power mullet. Normally, this wouldn’t be notable but that mullet was the best thing he had going on the evening.
Curt spent a good deal of the first round in silence, holding his signaling button in the air while wearing a blank stare and a stupidly optimistic grin. But sometime in Double Jeopardy, he went on a three question rampage:
It was like the scene in White Men Can’t Jump where Rosie Perez wiped out the “Foods That Start with the Letter Q” category.
Schilling’s score jumped from $600 to $4400 and left him trailing Malcolm in the Middle‘s mom and the gay guy from Melrose Place by $8000.
But then Final Jeopardy dropped this brainbuster:
Schilling, who bet it all, answered: Who is Nancy Drew?
…
Look, I understand some people aren’t aware that Drew Barrymore is something like a 12th generation actor, not to mention the only Drew of note in Hollywood. Pop culture isn’t everybody’s bag. But Nancy Drew? The fictional character? The girl whose next turn in a novel may have as much detective work as threesome action with the Hardy Boys?
Come on, Curt.
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I am a jaded, sarcastic girl prone to unreasonable fits of rage. This site is my outlet. I am not classy, nice, or fair. It's best you know that up front.
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In advance, Curt Schilling is a jackass, and I don’t like the guy. That said:
I’ve honestly never understood why celebrities can’t talk about non-TheReasonTheyAreFamous things. I talk about that stuff all the time. So does just about everyone who I give a shit about. If I was in a position where the general public cared about my opinion (and they do, or else the news wouldn’t report celebrities’ opinions) you can be damn sure I’d be running my mouth to influence whoever I could.
Curt let the moment get to him and the question sparked a memory in his mind of an earlier time when he would hide under the covers with a flashlight reading the Nancy Drew mysteries. He’s also trying to figure out if the Hardy Boy’s were great, great grandsons of Thomas Hardy.
Curt=Mental Olympian.
I think the problem with most athletes and celebrities is that, they think since they HAVE an opinion people automatically want to HEAR it.
They assume that since people pay to see their movie or come to their games, that they must also want to hear their brilliant thinking on geopolitical affairs.
Wrong.
Stick to what you do Schill, buzzing dudes with 97mph heaters and bleeding.
Sean Penn and his cronies? just stick to being bleeding twats.
I’d be running my mouth too Matt but I hope that if I had the opportunity to do that, I wouldn’t immediately shut out every other opinion out there. And also, I would hope that I’d recognize that not everybody wants to hear what I have to say and take it to heart.
That’s what is wrong with celebrities. They act like their opinion is the be all end all and that we should believe what they’re saying just because they can pitch or act or sing. That’s bullshit. They’re no more qualified to talk about a lot of this stuff than any of the rest of us. If Schilling wants to talk baseball, I’ll be right there to listen. But he wants to insist he knows best about sociopolitical issues when his views are no more valid than mine or yours.
lol Nancy Drew huh? That’s exactly who i want to be taking my political advice from.
With the exception of maybe one girl ever, all the SBB girls have this trashy, amateur porn look to them. Is that intentional?
yeah Houlihan but at SBB it’s the best of trashy amateur porn!
Eh, sometimes trashy is hot. This girl is pretty hot.
Totally agree. Jamie Pressly has taken my appreciation for trashy, sexy women to a new level.
I went to the replay booth, conferred with the officials upsairs and the ruling on the field is that Schill ought to get the chair for that corny ass shirt he is wearing.
Its the kind of shirt 13yr girls wear in walmart when they are shoplifiting pregnancy tests.
LOL Tree.
I saw this too. I really didn’t think he could top himself when he didn’t know that Rice a Roni is the San Francisco treat.
Rosie Perez in White Men Can’t Jump was the start of my obsession with latinas. BUt it’s gone on for so long that I probably can’t call it an obsession anymore.
That’s the best answer ever! I wouldn’t have known the correct answer, but I can at least feel confident knowing that I would not have answered Nancy Drew. I suspect 90% of educated America over the age of 20 probably wouldn’t have either. If the world can be of predominantly average or below average intelligence, why not celebs? You can’t have the dumb jock cliche without a world of dumb jocks, after all.