Mickelson Channels Jean Van de Velde

Before we get moving, I’d like to offer a job well done to the United States. If their ball skills matched the heart displayed, they would have won by 4, but that was a spectacular effort from end to end and precisely the type of fighting spirit that was expected against the Czechs. It’s anyone’s guess how Jorge Larrionda’s blatant cheating affected the game’s actual outcome. The US hasn’t scored a goal of its own in 180 minutes… would they have found a way against Italy were Larrionda not such a barrier? Who’s to say? The speculation will continue until 2010, especially if the US fails to advance, but who knows – it could be a good thing.
Nothing rallies Americans together for a cause than better than their national teams getting screwed over by foreigners.
As an aside, I was talking to Chad on Saturday and he said that Larionda is lucky he screwed over a country that doesn’t give a damn, otherwise, he’d probably be dead by now. I couldn’t agree more. He wouldn’t have survived the night.
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They’re calling it one of the greatest collapses in the history of the U.S. Open. I call it the return of Sunday Mickelson. If you didn’t see this exercise in choke, you missed out on quite a show. After I saw Mickelson in share of the lead with Ferrie, I stopped watching the coverage. See (for the newbies around here), I have this petty, immature hatred for Phil Mickelson that is based solely in my dislike for his his FIGJAM attitude and the “I just took it up the pooper and no one knows” look on his face… oh, and the fact that he doesn’t like Tiger Woods [For some unknown reason, I take this as a personal afront, much in the same way that I did when Gary Payton said Michael Jordan "isn't that good."] I hate him and I root for his demise at every turn.
So I got word on Sunday that Colin Montgomerie was preparing to take the lead and likely, the championship, at Winged Foot, but by the time I tuned in, the Scotsman had already choked away his chance for greatness by picking out the wrong club in the middle of the fairway, hitting a second shot into deep grass short of the green, and then finishing with a double bogey. So had Jim Furyk – he missed a five-foot putt for par at the 18th. And Padraig Harrington, only a shot behind with three to play, bogeyed his last three holes. All that was left was Phil Mickelson and he was teeing up on 18.
I was about to change the channel when Johnny Miller (who should be a commenter at every sporting event) said, “He better be hitting a 4-wood.” When Johnny Miller is on somebody’s case, I make it a point to hang in for a listen. And with that, the fat bastard took his drive over the crowd and onto the hospitality tent, a move that, according to Miller, had Ben Hogan turning in his grave. And from there, Philthy clipped a freaking tree and the ball landed around the point his original drive should have.
The amazing thing is Hefty still had a chance to pull off the Mickelslam and knowing my luck when it comes to a hated sports persons [the term "athlete" does not apply in this case] doing well, I refused to get my hopes up. I just knew he’d lay up on the green and hole it out for certain victory and smugness. Bu it didn’t happen. Hefty landed dead in the sand trap. By that point, Johnny Miller had completely lost his mind, putting millions of viewers in hysterics:

“This is a nightmare. You couldn’t have worst decisions on this hole. I know you all like Phil, but come on, all you have to do is make par on this hole. Just hit a 2 or 3-iron and another long iron onto the green (easier said than done) and see you later. You don’t have to run down the stretch on a white stallion. You can limp in there and say ‘thanks for the trophy’.”

It was almost as if Mickelson had bet against himself. I’ve never seen an implosion this extreme. Sure, Montgomerie gave a way a chance of a lifetime and Harrington blew it but Mickelson took the art of throat constriction to a previously unseen level of accomplishment.
But why? What could have gotten to him?
Mickelson had one double bogey in the tournament and it happened on the 72nd hole. Did he not want to be apart of the conversation with Tiger in the way of being a true rival? Was he not prepared for the heap of expectations going back to back to back in majors would inspire? I haven’t the slightest clue but Mickelson, and his record for most second place finishes in the history of golf can reclaim his seat in the Pantheon of Chumps. The only thing missing from a final like this was Tiger Woods returning to glory… Oh well. Maybe next time.