Hey Roddick, It’s Not a Purse! It’s European!

This has been a rough season for Andy Roddick, the tennis star whose mojo may very well have offed itself during the US Open last year. And though the victories that once came naturally to America’s best are now more elusive, Roddick hasn’t let that get him down. He relaxes and keeps more trivial matters on the brain…
Like the man purse.
Now, I know anyone who took a picture like this has little right to take a stand on anything relating to masculinity but according to his personal website, Andy Roddick is an enemy of two things –one is Kevin Federline, who he nominates as “butthead of the week” because it was supposedly inevitable. The second is the above-mentioned European carryall (or manbag, as I prefer), an item made famous by a man-fur wearing Jerry Seinfeld in the episode, “The Reverse Peephole.”
Apparently, Roddick has noticed the troubling, growing trend amongst men on the streets of London and is justifiably lashing out. Chelsea’s Jose Mourinho and England’s faux skipper/hood ornament/metrosexual David Beckham are infamous carriers of the item, preferring a purse made by Louis Vuitton. Boxer Lennox Lewis also carries a manbag but I am content in believing that he’s carrying around boxing gloves and shoes in there on the offchance that he gets into a rumble on the streets.
“Anything bigger than a money clip or a wallet is to be left to your girlfriend/wife…and just so we are clear you should not be able to throw your ‘wallet’ over a shoulder…if you have a man purse, the wall is waiting,” said Roddick.
I don’t know what “the wall” is but I’m sure it’s an appropriate punishment for carriers of the manpurse. I’m not a fan of this bag and I don’t see how any self-respecting woman can be… how do you stay with a man that is willing to trade his masculinity to carry one around? I’m terribly vexed by that. Now, I’m sure there are people out there thinking, “well, he’s secure in his masculinity!” That’s bollocks. “Secure in his masculinity” is a phrase coined by some naive woman who was trying to explain away her metrosexual boyfriend’s behavior to her girlfriends at lunch and I’m not buying it.
My man only needs a pocket and that pocket must only be big enough to hold one thing: money. Combs, sunglasses, and fashion accessories are not apart of the game here. If I can get by with carrying a debit card, a tube of chapstick, and my cell phone, I expect men to do with less. Is there something for me to carry? You’d better put that stuff in the car or bring your backpack!
So bravo to you, Andy Roddick, for standing up for what is right. Having said that, thumbs down yet again for posing for a picture like this. I don’t care how old you were, the flame it’s generating is strong enough to cancel out the minor feelings of attraction that I had after reading your obnoxious, anti-manbag stance… like you care.