Iran Says No to Girlymen in Sports

First issue: How will we ever get Paris Hilton to kill herself (or go away… I guess that’s less harsh) if we keep giving her forums like this for her ego: "Fightin Over Me featuring Fat Joe & Jadakiss"? While I think the lyrics should actually say something like "Every time I turn around, boys are fightin’ over my herpes" instead of "fightin over me," what upsets me is that aside from her voice, the track isn’t completely horrible. What upsets me even more is 2 months from now I’ll be shaking my arse in a club and this rubbish will play. But instead of boycotting the song and sitting down or doing something equally productive, I’ll just keep dancing. God help me.   

Real issue: I know this will be hard to believe but it seems that Iran is acting like a rag about more than its nuclear program. The hardline regime is setting a new policy in sport because they’ve had it up to here with metrosexuals in sports — then again, I suppose it has to be sports because I don’t know if you’re allowed to be a metrosexual and an residential Iranian citizen at the same time. Athletes, football (soccer) players in particular, that sport long hair and plucked eyebrows are the primary concern of Mohammad Ali-Abadi, the head of Iran’s Physical Education Organization who says, "even though they get away with it now, they will be disqualified in future." He also offered these gems:

"I will ban athletes with an effeminate look… It is really disgraceful for Iran that young people step onto fields wearing make-up… When a man enters the field with dyed hair and groomed eyebrows he is disrespecting society."

Bayern Munich star midfielder Ali Karimi and other Iranian athletes could be banned from World Cup play if they can’t find a way to maintain an "Islamic look" … I’m sure they’ll appreciate that rule when they’re passing out from heat stroke due to wearing full beards under the summer sun. On the plus side though, I suppose I should be happy that England isn’t taking such a stance, right? God forbid we be forced to play in the World Cup without the service’s of Europe’s best choke artist, a tosser that’s been disrespecting society since 2002.