Raiders Draft 2006: Further Down the Spiral

When talking to friends about the draft, they inevitably ask who I’d like to see the Raiders take in the first round. My initial thought tends to be, "The opposite of what Al Davis likes." Then I remember Fabian Washington and think, "Someone who actually deserves to be in the first round." After that, I spend another minute or so being depressed before shaping up and sharing my wish list.

As one can expect, I’m more worried about this draft than those of previous years. My Raiders are in a precarious position and it’s a surreal feeling being consciously aware of the fact that we’ve reached the proverbial fork in the road. Sometimes teams fall apart and you don’t realize it while it’s happening. But 10 years down the line, you look back and can easily pinpoint the beginning of the end. Losing Jon Gruden was our beginning of the end but the damage can be reversed – at least somewhat – if things go right this year. It’s true that we’re lead by a senile pimp and Captain Mediocrity but with a great draft, maybe there’s hope for the future… maybe we can reverse our free fall into the NFL abyss. With our track record, however, I don’t think it’s gonna happen. The last draft that would qualify as solid was 2000. I was still in high school and the only people I had to get excited about were: Sebastian Rape-ikowski, who could be great but can no longer see his penis because his stomach is in the way; Jerry Porter, who I love but really let me down last year; and Shane Lechler, the lights out punter. Two kickers in six picks… maybe THAT was the beginning of the end.

But back to the point at hand — I’m terribly frightened of what Al Davis will be on about tomorrow. I keep reading reports that he’s fallen in love with Vince Young.. that he’ll do anything to have him.. that our draft hopes rest on being able to land Texas Rico. We desperately need a quarterback but in the short term, the only good thing I can see about drafting Vince Young is that the cameras for his BET reality show might catch Al Davis emerging from his coffin in the bowels of the Coliseum, thus proving that he is, in fact, the undead. And while Young might be great in the long run, the Raiders are on the brink and don’t have time for a project. We can’t wait for this kid to learn the game and get his mechanics together and even if we could, we don’t have anyone to teach him! Resident mobile QBs – Aaron Brooks and Marques Tuiasosopo – shouldn’t help elementary kids play neighborhood football after school, let alone act as guiding forces for a multi-million dollar investment! But I don’t know why I’m complaining… we’re going to draft Vince Young and I’m going to spend hour three of the draft tomorrow in tears, knowing that by midnight Sunday evening, Al Davis will have sealed our fate as the Arizona Cardinals of the 21st century.

I wish I could drop a bomb on the Raiders’ war room. I’d replace the decision makers with trained seals and put together the best draft since the Kicker Special of 2000. We’d start by taking the 6’4, 305 pound DT from Oregon - Haloti Ngata – to fill the gaping hole left by the monstrous Ted Washington. If he’s gone, we’d go with Texas DB Michael Huff, mostly because our secondary is decimated and the Bay Area needs a good IHOP..

In any case, I plan to be thoroughly liquored up this weekend in order to numb myself from the inevitable pain. So cheers to all. I hope your draft day treats you better than mine will.