Phil Mickelson’s 2 Drivers Should Lower Odds of Choking

When I was 4 years old, my grandfather had his old clubs cut down to runt size so I could learn. I was re-fitted for new clubs whenever I grew and figured I was on the path to junior greatness. But when I turned 15, I got new clubs. Left-handed clubs. Though a lefty, I’d played righty golf for 11 years with no cause for complaint, but swinging the club left-handed always felt so much more natural for me. The transition was a smooth one. So as you can probably figure, I remember when Phil Mickelson first came on the scene. Like any person under 25, I was/am a diehard Tiger fan, but as a lefty, I was eager to support anyone standing on the "wrong side of the ball." This guy was young, left-handed, and the most obvious foe to Tiger’s greatness. I awaited with great anticipation the backA-9 battles soon to come; head to head duels between once and future champions that would define an era. Woods-Mickelson would become synonymous with Borg-McEnroe, Palmer-Nicklaus, Chamberlain-Russell, Ali-Frazier, hell, even Fischer-Spassky. But alas.. Choke after choke after choke, Mickelson exposed himself to be the master schmuck of the PGA Tour… one of the greatest chumps of all sports, and the only athlete out there that could get a sponsorship sporting Frank Costanza’s mansierre. And though Lefty finally won the Masters, I maintain that he only found his game after Tiger lost his and I’m still waiting for a head-to-head matchup with Woods where we don’t see Mickelson wilt like a morning glory in the noonday sun. Don’t get me wrong – I don’t mean to be difficult but his FIGJAM (Fuck, I’m Good, Just Ask Me) attitude makes liking and respecting him SO trying. And now he’s made matters worse by taking two drivers into play at the Masters. Perhaps I’m overreacting but I think this is a problem.

Players are permitted 14 clubs and replacing a sand wedge with an extra driver is certainly no crime. But six holes have been lengthened at Augusta National and Phil Mickelson discovered that though his predominant ball flight, a fade (right to left), was still needed, there are several holes where he’ll need to hit draws (left to right). Most pros can change their ball flight simply by adjusting their hands and swings… that, among other things, is what separates them from the rest of us. But not Mickelson.. he’s not interested. He’d prefer to have the club do the job for him and Calloway has custom-made two drivers, one for the fade and one for the draw, so Hefty, basically, doesn’t have to make swing adjustments on the Augusta fairways. I’m not a purist and I’m not against technological advancements but this is pure bollocks. I wouldn’t make a sound if every duffer in the world ran right out and picked up these Calloways to take a little suck out of their game (and they soon will).. obviously, the blokes need them. But Phil Mickelson is a professional. And like my expectations of other professional athletes, I enjoy watching golfers of Mickelson’s caliber wow me with their skills and talents. I like sitting there in amazement and saying, "How in the hell did he hit the green from there?" I don’t like sitting there in amazement while some tosser blows away the field at the world’s most revered tournament because his sponsors blessed him with magic clubs! Golf is a game of perseverance, skill, and discipline, both physical and mental. And no matter how much they juice the balls for flight or change clubs to improve power and control, the last time I checked, a certain level of skill is still required to play the game. And to be at Mickelson’s level and proudly play with clubs so specialized that you don’t need to make basic adjustments is a shame. This is a tournament that tests a golfers skill and mettle, not their advantages in technology. I don’t know why I’m the only person having a problem with this – maybe I’m just a foolish brat - but to me, happenings like these ruin the game and who knows where it’ll end. Soon there’ll be clubs for wet conditions and windy days and afternoons with too much humidity… It only figures that it’d be Phil Mickelson paving the way in the next level of corner cutting.

I hope Mickelson sails through to Sunday. And then, while teeing off at the 5th hole on the final 18, I hope his fade driver snaps in half, only to be followed by the draw on the 6th. That’s when we’ll see what he’s made of.  My guess is he’ll tighten up like a sorority girl in a bucket of ice water… it’ll be classic Sunday Mickelson.

**Just as an afterthought, maybe baseball will take a cue from Calloway and have Louisville Slugger  manufacture a bunting bat for the small ball teams – I bet Ozzie Guillen would be all over it.