Lando Calrissian: From Traitor to Hero to Crack Dealer

Courtesy of the Poughkeepsie Journal:

A City of Poughkeepsie man faces a stint in jail for dealing crack in the city last year.

Landocalrissan Butler, 25, of Winnikee Avenue, entered a guilty plea Tuesday in Dutchess County Court to attempted criminal possession of a controlled substance, a felony. Butler told Judge Thomas J. Dolan he had five small bags of crack in his pocket Dec. 22 when police arrested him on Morgan Avenue. He said he intended to sell the drugs.

In exchange for his plea, Butler was promised a sentence of six months in jail and five years on probation. He will also be required to forfeit a cell phone and $432 police said he obtained through illegal drug sales.

Butler remains jailed pending his sentencing, scheduled for April 4.

The most notable thing about this article is Mr. Butler’s age. Star Wars devotees like Matt Geiger will be quick to note that our suave smuggler crackhead was born between 1980 and 1981, which means that he was named after Calrissian betrayed Han Solo in Empire Strikes Back and before he redeemed himself by blowing up the Death Star in Return of the Jedi … Now, it’s one thing to name your boy Billy Dee but it’s quite another to tag him with then name of one of the most despised characters of a cinematic era and likely do so under the influence of Colt 45. That’s an evil woman! I met a guy once, a black guy, whose last name was Legree… and his first name? Simon. A black guy named Simon Legree. For the uneducated among us, Simon Legree is the ruthlessly evil slave master in Uncle Tom’s Cabin. He’s a vicious, barbaric, and loathsome man, who fosters violence and hatred among his slaves. Simon Legree embodies all the evils of slavery and yet some mother decided his name was fitting enough to bestow upon her son. Pure madness.

In any case, I don’t know why Landocalrissian had so much crack on his person, but I’m guessing that this was simply a fundraising effort to buy back the Millenium Falcon from Han Solo. Good luck Mr. Butler – I hope you get it back!